Going Public

I've had this secret blog for just a little while now, to keep track of my thoughts/feelings/complaints in private. I couldn't NOT blog about it, but how to hide? Luckily, there are endless possibilities for new URL's.

If you're reading this, you must be curious about what was going on with BN2 before I told my "real" blog. There's not much here, because she/he came along much sooner than I expected. But here it is, for posterity.

Welcome to the (Un)Secret Chronicles.

Not Vomiting!

I'm still nauseous all the time. Big shocker. Just wanted to whine and complain a little bit. I love my morning coffee (even if it's half-decaf - I'm still working towards full decaf) but lately I haven't been able to finish a cup.

Here is what it's like to be me right now:

Night time: wake up several times a night for whatever reason, usually twice to pee.
Morning: Unable to eat, I try to force down at least a piece of toast and some coffee, and a bit of OJ with my vitamin. The other day I woke up starving, and I was so excited that I had scrambled eggs with cheese. Of course 10 minutes later I felt like I would lose it all.
Mid-morning: Nauseous, I sit at my desk and nibble something carb-heavy while sipping water or stale ginger ale.
Lunchtime: I am usually hungry enough to eat something. Yesterday I had a soup-salad combo at Louise's, but insetad of eating too much when out at lunch I didn't even finish.
Dinner: No appetite. Although since I hardly ate during the day I am weak and tired. I must play with my toddler, though, so I suck it up until his bedtime, at which point I collapse on the couch and watch tv.
Evening; After an hour or so of TV I am ready for bed but also HUNGRY! So weird. So I eat some kind of carb heavy snack, like Snackwell's cookies or graham crackers.

Great diet. Hardly any fruit, barely enough protein. Thank goodness for prenatal vitamns. At least I'm not actually vomiting, so those stay with me.

Chemical Imbalance

When I got the office this morning the whole floor smelled like shit. Some crew is doing work on the sewer system for the building next door, and the odor has reached every corner of our office. Of course, I am already nauseous (big surprise), so I holed myself up into my little room and snorted Avon's Light and Lush Body Lotion to mask the smell. When I finally peeked my head out the door and sniffed the air, all I could smell was coffee.

So I poured myself some. It's caffeinated. Sue me.

My husband is all over me to not ingest things that are dangerous for the baby. (I keep forgetting that BB1 is not 'the baby' anymore.) For example, diet soda. Caffeinated drinks. Medications of any kind. He is way more paranoid than I am, and that's saying a lot. Now he doesn't want me to get my hair colored. I'm friggin' going gray here, people, and I work in Hollywood, where you are not allowed to go gray.

At least I will soon be able to tell people that I am pregnant, and that's why I look like a homeless person.

Complaining? Who, Me?

I'm working on a Sunday because of all the drama surrounding a family visit which made me have to take last Thursday off. So here I am trying to make up for it. But I can't concentrate because I am so nauseous and now I also have a raging headache. It started this morning and I thought it was because of lack of caffeine so I stopped at the drive-thru Starbucks (angels singing) on the way here and got a half-caf mocha misto but that only served to get coffee/chocolate stains all over my shirt and pants. I still have the headache.

Plus it's weird to be here on a Sunday and my kid is at the daycare b/c my husband is out of town having the time of his life camping and fishing and surfing. I am so jealous of him. All healthy and able to run around and swim and deal with himself instead of laying around on couches moaning but also trying to pretend that everything is fine so that our toddler can have fun and play and not worry about Mommy. Not that he would, but still.

I will be really happy when the nausea goes away and I finally start showing so I can just go around like the glowing pregnant woman that I am on the inside.

5/7 Weeks

The fetus should be about 5 weeks old, making me 7 weeks pregnant. (I know, right?)

Because I was so hyper-aware of my cycle, the time to test, and every second of this pregnancy, this will of course be the world's longest pregnancy.

I haven't had any problems besides occasional inability to eat healthy food and serious paranoia brought on by too much reading of other people's tragic stories. Otherwise I am healthy and strong. And that's good and okay. Only 33 weeks left to go. Let's hope they are all as safe as the last 5. (Seven.)

The word is spreading to my family and friends. I still won't make a general announcement until after the doctor appointment. Everyone is thrilled, though they are not as excited as last time, except my mother, who already sent me a gift so nice it made me cry. It included a maternity nightgown with matching robe, a book for BB1 titled "I'm a Big Brother," a book for me called "Your Second Child," and a baby rattle/teething toy shaped like a butterfly in soft girly colors.

Morning Sickness Is the Wrong Name

Ugh. I've been getting nauseous more often lately. Usually it happens about 20 minutes after I eat. It's like my body is saying "Oh! It's time to digest food! Let's turn on the Make KTP Feel Like Crap switch!"

But last night on the way home from work I was stuck in traffic that wasn't. moving. at. all. and I had the WORST feeling I've ever had, the one that makes you think you will need to open the door, lean over, and hurl out everything you have ever eaten. That would make me feel better, though, so of course it didn't happen.

Might I take a moment to warn other pregnant women (the masses that read this secret site) that when you are feeling your morning (or all day) sickness, it does NOT help to stick your finger down your throat and force yourself to puke, like it does when you are really really hungover. No. It makes you puke, which is a thing that I hate more than anything else in life, BUT it does not take your nauseous feeling away. You just feel more disgusting because you have that squeaky I-just-puked feeling on your teeth. And the taste of bile in your mouth makes the residual nausea worse, and you wind up right where you started.

Anyway. Duriing the ride home last night I had some Wheat Thins in the car. I bought them for my grandmother who is coming to visit from across the country. Sorry, Nana, I had to bust them out to quell my rising stomach. Even though my body was very afraid of me sticking food in mouth, nibbling on the crackers actually worked. My head stopped swimming and I was able to pull off the freeway and just sit in the side-street traffic. It was a little nicer place to pull over and hurl if I needed to.

The thing is, I'm not puking. I feel sick and gross and I don't want to eat anything except toast and crackers and buttered pasta. At least I am able to eat THAT. I know other women have it way worse than this so I'm just going to hold on until passes, because it WILL pass, and that's what gets me through.

Bloaty

On Saturday I was bloated but not with water. With impatience, frustration, irritability, and general malaise. I thought it had everything to do with my filthy, disgusting house. It was covered in dog/cat hair, strewn with toys, laundry, and miscellaneous STUFF. The floors were sticky/needed vacuuming, and the bathrooms were getting MOLDY.

We commenced Project Get This Shit Taken Care Of, which involved mom and dad trading off watching Big Boy 1 or cranking up the Baby Einstein video yet again. By the end of the day the house was not so disgusting, most of the laundry was done, and MY BELLY HAD POPPED OUT.

I have heard that after your first pregnancy, during the next and subsequent pregnancies you will show much sooner than you did the first time. But I am only six weeks pregnant - I didn't expect it to happen THIS soon!

Bleah. I'm not bloated. I'm PREGNANT. (But things like Dairy Queen Heath Bar Blizzards make it worse.)

I'll post a picture soon. I love pregnant belly photo progressions.